How it all began...

People generally begin this "how it began" journey with memories of childhood troubles. I think this time around I'll jump a few years first. Why you may ask? Well I'll tell you why. My teenage years seem to be the most interesting with taking or borrowing clothes from family members or complete strangers (yes I've actually gone that far). For me, it wasn't about what I felt on the inside, but was more about the clothes at first. I was confused, depressed, and on my walks to school would often wish that I would turn into a girl. Sadly this did not happen, however, I can understand why it never did occur no matter how hard I tried to wish.

Being transgender is one of the single most toughest things anyone can live with in this crazy world of people trying to beat, degrade, kill, and morally/physically abuse us. I've kept in the closet for pretty much all my life and only coming out to a handful of people. Those people being close friends and my wife and kids. I've met other people throughout my life whom I thought could be friends, considering we share something in common, but those didn't pan out so well.

I am the youngest child of three and the only son between my mother and father. Since I was little, I always knew something was wrong with myself because I loved playing with girls toys and had a wanting and need to wear their clothes because I felt that is what I should do. Being that young, I was confused as to why but never questioned it because I was in fear of being yelled at, falled a freak, or being submitted into a mental institution for wanting to be a girl. My mother was the worst offender of this behavior, as she didn't want to understand but only input fear into me to "straighten me out". My father was the opposite, as he wanted to understand why I did what I did but thanks in part to that fear, I never said a word. Through my teenage years, I had decided to start underdressing, although at that time I didn't know that it was call such, and did so while attending high school. Many of the students have caught wind but never tried to confront me on the subject. They just assumed I was homosexual and decided to bully me for that alone.

When I started working, I was able to buy my own clothes, wig, make-up and other amendmeties that would complete my "transformation" into a woman. While working, I've grown smarter in hiding my "stash" of womans products all the while still underdressing. The underdressing helped with my gender dysphoria but that was mainly panties and pantyhose and later progressed to bras and female jewelry. I haven't yet tried to paint my nails at this time but I had an urge to do so. My teenage years felt like it was a war I was battling, not only inside but also on the outside. I've worn my precious undergarments under my male attire for quite some and much like everything else, have had close calls with people finding out. With today's movements in equality for women and the rise for men's choice in clothing, helps greatly in some ways with my personal transition as I can't speak for everyone else.

As you can see from the photo above, I was much more confident in my appearance and have gone out a few times without an incident. I was even approached by a gentleman and was told how nice I looked, which made me so happy that I could almost cry. I know I've skipped around a lot in my journey as I want to save that for a later time or even possibly a book that I am thinking of writing of my own journey. While I'm not a writer, I do hope you enjoyed the read and thank you for taking the time to thumb through this quick overview of sorts of my beginning.

#began #transgender #Felicia